GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS. Here’s How to Actually Get Away with Tax Fraud
Today a Manhattan jury found two Trump Organization companies guilty on all counts of tax fraud. The Trump Corp. and Trump Payroll Corp were found guilty on all 17 counts in a 15-year tax fraud scheme and these felony convictions carry fines up to $1.7 million.
That might not be a lot of money to Donald Trump, but to the average person, these fines could be devastating. If you are currently committing tax fraud and are scared that you are going to be the IRS’ next victim, you’ve come to the right place. Here are some helpful tips on how to get away with tax fraud:
File as a church or religious organization. Churches and religious organizations are automatically tax-exempt and do not have to pay taxes of any kind – they don’t even have to apply for and obtain tax-exempt recognition with the IRS. With that in mind, build a ginormous mansion on several acres of land and call it a mega church. Have people come to your house for worship and make sure to collect tithes a couple or three times a service. You’ll see the money start to flow in no time.
File as a charitable organization. Just like churches, charities fall under tax-exempt organizations. The IRS requires under 501(c)(3) that these organizations do not operate for the benefit of private interest and are limited in their political and legislative activities. I would recommend starting a charity for cats because most cat people are crazy enough to donate to you without hesitation. Use the donations to feed a stray cat a can of tuna every other week and pocket the rest.
Collect cash tips and never report them. Anybody who has ever worked in the service industry in America knows this. Thanks to capitalism, we depend on the consumer to pay our wages, so take advantage of the system. Try your best to only get paid in cash. Wear a sign that says ‘cardless’ when you are waiting tables. Work at a place known for serving rich geriatrics (the only human beings who still carry cash) and milk them for everything that they have.
Do yourself a favor and learn from Donald Trump’s mistakes. Commit tax evasion the right way and never worry about getting caught by the IRS again. I’m rooting for you!
