White House Announces Plan to Replace Food Stamps with Little Caesars

WASHINGTON D.C. — Last week the Biden Administration announced a plan to overhaul the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food and Nutrition Service, including the replacement of federal food subsidies with Little Caesars.

The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), regularly referred to as food stamps, supplements the food budgets of impoverished families to help them afford groceries. The executive branch said it is shifting away from SNAP to combat food desserts and expand consumer palettes.

“The millions of Americans without food access are often overlooked,” President Biden said at press time. “That’s why we’re prioritizing access to this universally-accessible and highly-valued pizza chain.”

The Justice Department didn’t explain what legal mechanism would authorize the change, but President Biden disclosed that “it’s the cheesiest, coach.”

According to the announcement, the next phase of the program will include Church’s Chicken.