Layoffs are Coming Down and Your Boss Makes a Surprise Visit to Your Home for a Performance Review

An EMPLOYEE who works from home is starting their workday routine like they always do. Their laptop is open, but it is barely facing them. They are wearing pajama pants and they are shirtless but for some reason, they are wearing a beanie. They are playing a video game while snacking on a bagel. The door opens and their BOSS walks into their living room, scaring the living hell out of them.

Boss: Smith! Are you ready for our Zoom meeting?

The Employee spits the bagel out of their mouth.

Employee: Ah! David! What are you doing here?!

The Boss starts walking around the room, taking it all in.

Boss: I just thought I’d pop in and see how my work-from-home employee is doing. I’m sure you’ve heard about all the tech layoffs recently and well, let’s just say our company is doing our own bit of layoffs as well. Consider this surprise visit an impromptu performance review.

Employee: I see well, I sure wish you had let me know so I could’ve tidied up the place a little bit. I don’t usually expect guests during the workweek.

The Employee is scrambling. They pause the video game, but the background music is still blaring. They look everywhere for a shirt, but can’t find one, so they use a nearby blanket to cover their exposed chest.

The Boss stops walking around the room and turns to face the Employee, a look of disapproval on their face.

Boss: Our zoom meeting with the client is 10 minutes from now. Were you planning on putting on a shirt for it or were you going to just turn your camera off?

Employee: Uh, I was going to put a shirt on. It just wasn’t for another 10 minutes so I was still getting ready.

Boss: I see. What’s this?

The Boss points towards a whiteboard in the corner. It is a calendar for the month with activities and reminders written for each day.

Employee: Oh, that’s nothing. Just a little planner to keep me on my toes.

The Boss leans in closer to read what is on the agenda.

Boss: This says that you will be going rock climbing from 2 to 4 today. Do you usually rock climb during the workday?

Employee: Well, no I mean yeah, I do sometimes, but only when I don’t have much to do.

Boss: According to this, it looks like you are going rock climbing every day this week, and on most of the days after, you have an hour blocked out to ride your ripstick around the park.

Employee: Yeah well, it’s just a slow week this week. Haha.

The Boss makes their way towards the door.

The Boss: Thank you for your time today Smith, I will discuss your performance review with HR and we will go from there. Have a good day.

The Boss exits.

Employee: You too!

The Employee drops the blanket from their chest, relieved.

The zoom meeting on the laptop opens and the camera is turned on. Everyone in the room can see the Employee.

Employee: Oh, God.

Fin.