Man Who Repetitively Scratches His Balls Gets Ghosted

FLAGSTAFF – After being ghosted by a woman he took on a first date two weeks ago, third-year undergrad Kevin Malarkey was itching for an explanation.

“I did everything I was supposed to do,” exclaimed Malarkey, who went on to list all of the things that he had done right on their date. Opening the door for her, pulling her chair out, and picking up the tab, one might say it seemed like chivalry really might not be dead after all.

After dinner, witnesses told reporters that they saw the couple return to the woman’s apartment for a nightcap but that they saw the man leave shortly after arriving, looking disappointed and scratching his balls.

The woman, who asked to remain anonymous, decided not to ghost our news station and told journalists her story that night, and divulged that the real reason their date ended the way it did was because of quote, “[Kevin’s] incessant ball scratching.”

Malarkey later admitted to journalists that he scratched his balls every time he stood up and frequently while sitting down during the date, but quickly retorted that he doesn’t see why that should have changed anything.

At press time, Malarkey reportedly confronted the woman who ghosted him and asked her when the hell else he was supposed to scratch them.