New Pitch Clock Means Shorter Games And Baseball Fans Will Be Forced To Eat 3 Hotdogs And Drink 8 Beers Faster

NEW YORK CITY — The average time for Major League Baseball games are about to be a lot shorter this season with the introduction of ‘the pitch clock’ and, as a consequence of shorter games, fans will be forced to eat their hotdogs and drink their beers faster they don’t have to consume less of either.

Last season, the average time of MLB games was about one Christopher Nolan movie (about 3 hours) with much of that time being spent watching players chew gum and unstrap-restrap their gloves.

To speed up the pace of the game, the MLB instituted the pitch clock: a 30-second timer between batters and a time limit between pitches. Pitchers are now required to begin their motion within 15 seconds with the bases empty or within 20 seconds with runners on base or else be penalized with an automatic ball.

Lifelong little league, college, minor and major league fan (he really just loves the sport) Bud Waters told reporters that diehard fans of the sport like himself will simply have to adapt.

“As the rules change, we change. I am going to have my 8 beers and 3 hotdogs at every game one way or another, and if that means I gotta dunk my hotdog in a beer to do it, well so be it.”