Reading Material In Public Restroom Discovered To Be US Classified Documents, Not Porn

THE JOHN – A man who originally thought a notebook in the private restroom of a coffee shop was reading material said that after a closer look, the notebook actually contained classified US documents.

“Well, I was just settin’ there when I found a book on top of the toilet paper dispenser. I just assumed it was ‘communal reading material’ but after about five pages in and no pictures, I realized it was a “private eyes only” type of book if you catch my drift,” described Mack Parsons, a truck driver who alerted the proper authorities as soon as he could when he realized he wasn’t reading a nudie magazine.

This discovery of classified documents couldn’t come at a worse time for President Biden, who is already under scrutiny from the GOP because another set of potentially classified material was discovered in a desk that he previously owned when he was the Vice-President. However, the documents discovered in the restroom might date back to a different administration.

Investigators at the scene noted that the notebook itself physically seemed dated and said that after considering the context that nobody with a cellphone reads in the bathroom anymore, they were able to deduce that these classified documents probably belong to an earlier administration.

Reporters asked Mack if there was any more that he could share about what he read.

“I can’t say much because they threatened to indict for exposing national secrets but do the words ‘steel beams’ and ‘crashed planes’ mean anything to you?”