Worst Burger In New York Discovered

It was a warm Saturday evening in upstate New York when the young couple, Rachel and Brett, found themselves far from home and in desperate need of dinner.

After a grueling five-mile hike they knew there was no way they could make the two-hour train ride home without something to eat. That was when they saw the sign, glimmering like an oasis in the desert, which read “Best burger in town!”

Intrigued by such claims, they entered this pub with high expectations. The fine decor consisting of old western wear and the horns of a long-ago slayed buck hung behind the bar gave them great satisfaction in their decision, however, this is just the beginning of our story. 

The menu gave them pause as it featured your typical pub offerings: wings, burgers, fries, and onion rings. However, there was a catch—each burger cost more than $19 before adding toppings. They discussed and came to the conclusion that the best burger in town must come at a premium, and Rachel felt a burger was just what her stomach was calling for.

So when the barkeep ambled by their table, they both ordered. Rachel ordered a plain burger and Brett the wings, which only cost $11, and one beer each. Rachel was disappointed by her drink order, but this is a common occurrence I am told. Brett stuck to the tried and true Pabst Blue Ribbon. They waited with excitement and discussed that day's events and the death-defying feats they pulled off during that day's hike when out of the corner of her eye, Rachel spied the bar keep carrying their food to their table. Their evening was about to take a turn for the worse. 

As soon as the burger was slid onto the table, both of their faces turned to looks of horror, then disgust. Sitting in front of Rachel was a gray burger with no lettuce, no tomato, no ketchup, no mustard, and barely melted cheese sitting on top of the sad-looking patty. Worst of all, instead of a toasted bun, the burger was being held together by an English muffin that looked as if it had been sitting in the bottom of the cupboard for the last two months. There was much to be found on this plate, but flavor was not it. The fries were fresh out of the microwave and it appeared that this town was rationing salt and every other seasoning imaginable.

Instantly, Rachel and Brett made eye contact. If this was the best burger in the town, then this was a dark place to live indeed. Rachel lifted the top half of the English muffin to inspect the “food.” She said it looked okay. Brett looked on in disgust. She picked up the abomination as if to take a bite before Brett stopped her. Rachel was too timid to return the burger, luckily dear reader, Brett had no such qualms. No bite was to be taken. 

When the barkeep came to their table, he asked, “How is everything?”, supposedly holding back a laugh that would give Joaquin Phoenix a run for his money. Brett informed the man that they were not pleased with the burger and would not be taking a bite of it or eating a fry. The barkeep informed Brett that the citizens of the town enjoyed the burger, that it was the best-selling item on the menu, and kept repeating, “People usually like it like that.” Brett requested to see the chef. 

When the chef came out from the kitchen to speak with two unhappy customers, she was surprised, as people usually enjoy her cooking. Walking up to the table, she asked if there was anything she could do for them. Rachel motioned to the burger and said she would not eat something like this. When the cook looked at the burger sitting on the plate looking like the elephant's foot in Chernobyl, she supposedly muttered “I have become death the destroyer of worlds.” 

So that is how we were able to discover the worst burger in New York City. Devoid of any flavor or passion, the food left Rachel and Brett as horrified and hungry as ever. Luckily, they were able to find a different restaurant down the street but the whole affair had left them drained. If you want to try the worst burger in New York, visit REDACTED and REDACTED, New York. 

*Note- In return for withholding this establishment's name and location, the writer of this article was offered two free PBRs. I found this quite equitable.