“You Never Call Me” Complains Elder Relative Who Never Calls You Either

ST. PETERSBURG, FL – When Alice Maldonado picked up a call from her grand-nephew this week, she told him the same thing she tells him every time he calls: “You never call me.”

This nephew of hers that she claims never calls her actually calls her once a week, sources confirmed.

“Yes, I have a phone and could easily call him first. Will I ever call him first? The answer is no,” said a defiant Aunt Alice when asked by the mother of her grandnephew why she doesn’t just call her nephew first if she wants to talk to him.

Sources also confirmed that Aunt Alice has a daily screen time on her cell phone that averages at least 5 hours a day.

“Back in my day, we didn’t have a thing called ‘screen time.’ We had a thing called the Great Depression and World War II,” she added.

At press time, Aunt Alice’s nephew declined to comment.