China Spy Balloon Discovered To Be Nothing More Than A Peeping Tom!

KANSAS CITY — The China Spy Balloon, which was discovered to be floating above US soil as early as Tuesday, was cited by Kansas City police for voyeurism — defined as secretly observing, photographing, filming, or recording another person in a place where that person has a reasonable expectation of privacy, without that person's consent — after it was caught spying on the victim from their shower window.

The victim, Hastileigh Benson, told authorities that she was coming out of the shower when she saw the balloon, floating eerily in the air not more than a mile from her window, watching her.

Although voyeurism, more commonly known as being a peeping tom, is not a felony, President Biden has received pressure from his officials to blow the damn balloon out of the sky. Rep. Marjorie Greene Taylor adding fuel to fire with her tweet reminding Americans that, “President Trump never would have tolerated this.”

President Biden addressed these concerns today in a press conference shortly after the news from Kansas reached D.C.

“Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and Gen. Mark Milley have strongly advised me against shooting down the balloon, warning me that its size and considerable weight could place Americans on the ground in danger. However, rest assured that if the China Spy Balloon is caught being a peeping tom again, they become a repeat offender, forcing my administration to take action in order to ensure the safety of our citizens.”

US Secretary of State Antony Blinken already postponed his upcoming trip to China in response to the balloon sighting, citing that “the US federal government does not negotiate with pervs.”