Man Who Lied On His Resume Sits In His New Office Thinking To Himself “Now What?” For 9 Hours

PITTSBURGH—Tragedy struck Damien Wright today when he came face to face with the job that he promised employers he was qualified for – even though he wasn’t.

As his new boss began showing him around the office on his first day, introducing him to coworkers, and walking him thru what his day-to-day duties would be, Damien couldn’t help but feel this deep sense of dread begin to grow inside his stomach.

It wasn’t until Damien was shown his office and given the time to “settle in” that he began to reckon with the terribly awkward lie that he had created.

“I am not qualified for this job and all I can think sitting here at my desk is ‘now what?’ I don’t even know how to put someone on Park 1.”

At press time, witnesses in the office told our reporters that they saw Damien pressing random buttons on the copier looking utterly confused, and also told us that earlier, Damien threw his sandwich across the room when the phone rang.