Man Who Never Forgets a Pretty Face Forgot to Buy Eggs Again

NEW JERSEY – Eddie Bauer, a local bar owner who boasts that he never forgets a pretty face, forgot to buy eggs again yesterday.

“Yeah, it’s true, I never forget a pretty face, but what’s the point when I can’t remember shit else?! This is the third time in a row I’ve gone to the store and forgotten to buy eggs, can you believe that?!” said a frustrated Eddie to one of our local correspondents.

For context, Eddie’s staff and bar patrons confirmed that Eddie has been questioned by police several times regarding missing-person cases, and each time, Eddie has been able to positively confirm that the missing person in question had visited his bar before their disappearance. Eddie’s staff also confirmed that pretty faces are the only thing that Eddie can remember.

“It’s a gift, honestly. Eddie has been able to help detectives with several of their cases just by remembering when the missing person came to the bar. Still, it’s too bad he can’t even remember how to make a whiskey coke,” said Barbra Harbaugh, one of Eddie’s bartenders.

At press time, witnesses reported that Eddie had once again left the grocery store without buying eggs, and cited that, “it’s the price he pays for only remembering the pretty faces.”