WOMAN WHO HASN’T SEEN HER CAT IN DAYS DOESN’T KNOW WHETHER TO BLAME HAITIANS OR TIGHT CRAWL SPACE UNDER BED FRAME

SPRINGFEILD, OH – A Springfield woman told reporters that she hasn’t seen her cat in three days and believes that he might have been eaten by Haitian immigrants.

“You don’t ever think that someone is going to eat your pet, but then you watch the Presidential Debate and think, maybe. Now, my cat, Hercules, has been missing for three days! What else could have happened to him!” cried Emma Baron.

Baron posted on her Nextdoor account to let neighbors know that her cat has gone missing and to private-message her if they see any barrel fires with a cat roasting from a spit.

Baron begrudgingly admitted to reporters later that this wasn’t the first time that Hercules had gone missing.

“Turns out he was under that tight crawl space under my bedframe the whole time. I would lift it to look, but my mattress is very heavy. Better to assume he was eaten than sprain my bicep.”

At press time, Baron’s post on Nextdoor had gone viral. Several MAGA members sent her condolences and commented that it is very unlike cats to roam beyond where owners can see them.